An oldy but a good'n now that the footy is about the start.

What Type Are You?
There are 10 different types of people who go to the footy. And while some of them are a lot nicer to sit next to than others, they all have their place in the great footy scheme of things.

Hermits. These guys (and they are always guys) take their seat, insert their earphones, tune the radio to the match commentary and enter the zone for three whole hours. They don’t talk, they don’t move, and they don’t appear to feel the need to urinate. Harmless, but dull.

Abusives. These people obviously had a problematic relationship with one or both of their parents, because they spend the entire game abusing their own players for shortcomings either real or imagined. In fact, Abusives actually seem to hate the very team they profess to barrack for. Fortunately, there’s always a laugh to be had when they loudly proclaim “he’ll miss this”, right before the player in question slots it straight through the middle.

Full-Strengths. Throwbacks to a bygone era, but in a good way. This crew like to drink plenty of beer, start chants, yell crude things towards the players on the opposition interchange bench and generally do everything in their power to shock and appall members of the following tribe.

Corporates. Easy to spot, thanks to their $1,200 suit, brand-new footy scarf and president’s lunch necktag. Often accompanied by their lovely partner, who is genuinely petrified at the thought of inadvertently brushing up against someone like you or me. It’s great fun watching them ruin their shoes in the carpark bog, but just remember. It’s they who’ll have the last laugh come Grand Final day.

Parents. These poor unfortunates are saddled with children who are old enough to want to go to the footy, but young enough to lack the attention span to actually stay there. These brave souls spend most the game with their head buried in a bag searching for drinks, lollies, toys, books and other such distractions. And the rest of the time explaining why the bad man behind them is screaming rude words.

Surrogate Mothers. Personally, I think this particular band of supporters is the scariest of the lot. Having long seen off their own children, they fill the void by figuratively adopting the players of their chosen club. Which means that even the most benign form of abuse you direct at one of ‘their’ players (yelling “Balllllll!” for instance) is met with a stern matronly reprimand and (if you’re at Kardinia Park) a whack over the head with a brolly.

Neutrals. Footy fans who, for one reason or another, find themselves at a game not involving their team. In theory this should allow the fan to spend a fascinating two hours watching a quality contest unfold, free of any bias or emotional attachment. In reality, Neutrals end up spending most of their time in the beer queue because they don’t mind missing the last minutes of the quarter in order to beat the rush.

Ferals. You’ve heard the story about the Victoria Park crowd, certain sections of which used to find it amusing to relieve themselves onto the back of the opposition supporter in front of them? Well, trust me. That story is not apocryphal.

Theatregoers. They love the big games. Anzac Day, blockbusters, finals. They don’t go to the footy, they go to events. Theatre goers are why we have all those ridiculous marketing ploys. Theatre goers are why every home and away game now seems to have a cup or trophy at stake. Theatre goers are why the AFL is soon to change half-time to intermission and serve sparkling wine and canapés instead of beer and pies.

Professional Idiots. For some people, the urge to publicly humiliate themselves is an irresistible one. Most of the time, people like this sign on for reality tv shows. Or they buy themselves a loud jacket, a fright wig or a giant wooden spoon. Then they go to the footy and act like a six year old with attention deficit disorder and a keg of red cordial. But the frightening thing is, these people also vote.

Well, there you have it. The footy crowd according to me. Of course, I haven’t described you, or any of your loved ones. Have I?

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"our electorate seeks less to be informed and more to be validated." Sad times.

I come from a long line of abusives, but I myself do not fall in any of these categories... perhaps there has been an oversight with regard to the classification system?

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29 different attributes,
And only 7 that you like;
20 ways to see the world,
Or 20 ways to start a fight.

Full-Strength

Dunno if I was really described. I go and I cheer pretty loudly for the team, but don't really yell anything offensive... Maybe at a stretch I could be Theatre Goer... I love the big events but I go most weeks even to smaller games.

Jimmae's'ives.............!


kindest regards tommi

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that'siti'mnotchangingthistagain......!

The horror years made me a bit hermitish sans the radio.

I have the binoculars on and just tune out to everyone around me.

I never think we have won the game until the final siren goes.

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“It is a state of mind, a system of belief, a way of seeing the world, a deep faith that, because you are Carlton, you belong to something great.” - Mike Fitzpatrick articulating what Out of the Blue means.

In the last ten years I've had no real option to be anything but a Hermit. Put the radio on and trying block out thousands of moroinc Lions supporters.

Was a Hermit before kids.... now a Parent.

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The measure of a life is a measure of love and respect
So hard to earn, so easily burned
In the fullness of time
A garden to nurture and protect

#DopeThenStash

Still a Hermit for another year at least.

Hermit. I have my days where I'm quiet, and days not so quiet though.

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"The ability to speak doesn't make you intelligent." Qui-Gon Jinn 15-05-2005

"there’s more chance of me becoming the full forward for the [Western Bulldogs] than there is of any change in the Labor Party." Julia Gillard 18-05-2010

I'm not really sure what I fit into to be quite honest. I'm not a heavy drinker, yet I enjoy chants and sledging the opposition. Then other times I'm not that vocal, so maybe more of a hermit type on those days. I think for me, it depends on the game. If it's a game against Essendon*, Collingwood or Richmond, then I'd be a full-strength. If it's a game against a team like Fremantle, maybe I'm more of a hermit. If it's a close game, I'm usually much more vocal, but if we're winning by a country mile I'm generally quieter.

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Premierships: 1869, 1871, 1873, 1874, 1875, 1877, 1887, 1906, 1907, 1908, 1914, 1915, 1938, 1945, 1947, 1968, 1970, 1972, 1979, 1981, 1982, 1987, 1995.

"GIBBS."

I'm a bit of a Surrogate......if it's close I kinda turn half feral.....if we are losing I am a Hermit with tourettes...

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The problem will be made. for the solution to be sold, to your face before your eyes, tolerance is now the new danger