They give me the shits.... the very last time I took dad to the footy (and isn't it funny how age does the old switcheroo, I remember when he took me.) was Brent Heaver's debut - boy talk about ruining a good day out!

An ex husband of my sister's barracked for the demons and he gave me the shits so they do by association!

Gary Lyon gave me the shits as a player and even more now as Eddie's navel fluff.

They let Collingwood win that flag in 58 and so the bloody idiots allowed the filth to have the one bragging right we can't match - Go Brisbane!

Every time I go to buy a piece of 'on sale' merchandise for the kids the only ones left are either interstaters (which I can understand) or Melbourne - which gives me the shits - escpecially c'os the blue looks like Navy Blue and I pick it up and...bloody royal, La De Dah Blue, bloody English pricks!.

Their supporters don't even know how to get into a bit of good old rib poking - they just turn around and stare at you from behind their fashion accessory glasses.

I'm always tripping of their damn flasks at the footy when we play them.

They almost merged with Hawthorn which would have broken Don Scott's heart (amongst other Hawk supporters) and made me a very happy man but they fluffed that in the end which gave me the shits.

They grabbed the irishmen which, being a celtic lad at heart, gave me the shits - until this year and our own developing rookie.

Did I mention Gary Lyon?

They beat us in that bloody final and that gave me the absolute shits!

That moron Jackovich played for them and he gave me the shits - but not as much as bobbing-haired, wiggly bum, whatever you say Mr Eddie, Gary Lyon.

Ron Barassi played with them for far too long - that always gave me the shits 'cos he was an idle when he crossed over but I cannot help but remember that he played for them and then went back and coached them! That's like John Lennon playing for the Bay City Rollers!

Really, just consider Gary Lyon - he played for 'em.

Actually the reason they give me the shits is all of the above, the fact that all of their supporters that I have met in person (not you old55, so don't take offense, well do but not too much) have given me the shits, could be the old school tie thing - but its more like the sum of their parts is what gives me the shits rather than single things - except for Gary Lyon - its just something about them, their stupid, boring jumpers, their song, the fact maybe that they won the flag in the year of my birth instead of the Bluebaggers - actually probably also 'cos I remember reading somewhere that Carlton was formed to take on the rich bastards that were the melbourne football club - anyway all of the above when put together means that while I have no animosity to Melbourne, still, they do give me the shits!