Being a shift work is a killer on the body clock. So I thought I'd do some writting to help me feel sleepy and share some funny footy stories with you.
My friends used to call me the prank call king.
Circa 1993... Lamenting the fact that Steven Oliver was not getting a regular game a friend suggested I ring Ian Collins to vent my anger. How do I get Collo on the phone I asked and being a Richmond suppporter he suggested I pretend I was Matty Knights from Richmond. So I called the Carlton Football Club and asked the lady on the phone if I could speak with Ian Collins. No she replied, he is in a board meeting and who are you?
I told her I was a disilusioned player that was looking to come play at Carlton. She kept asking which player I was and kept saying I didn't want to say just in case it got out. She kept insisting I tell her as she couldn't get Collo out of a board meeting if I didn't. So I told her I was Matty Knights. She put me on hold for a few minutes and the next thing I hear is Collo on the phone " Hi Mathew, it's Ian here ".
" Collo I hear you're a hard person to get on the phone" I replied. Collo chuckled and said he's always got time to speak with a champion.... at that point my mate screamed in the background " Play Oliver in the seniors!!!!" we cracked up laughing and Collo knew he had been done " Smartarse " was the last thing I heard him say before he hung up the phone.
Circa 1986 - A mate of mine suggested calling Brian Taylor at work as he was a plumber and he knew the number. I called asking for a quote and then casually asked him if he was the same Taylor that played for the Filth. When he said yes I told him I couldn't do business with him as he played for Collingwood and that he was also shit... we then started having a bit of a slagging match on the phone... he was ropable as all i would say was " You're a shit footballer Brian......... The next game he played he kicked 10 goals........
Cicra 1990 - Graeme " Gubby " Alan was the filths football manager. We thought it would be fun to give him a call. I told him I was Alan Ezard from Essendon* and I wanted to play with Collingwood. I asked him what the club had going for it and he started rambling on about tradition, facilities etc. Half way through his speach I asked if it was ok to a ask a question. Go ahead he said. " What the f*&k were you thinking when you kicked the ball across the ground!!! " I yelled ( in reference to the piece of play when he kicked the ball to Footscays Simon Beasley 10m out from goal to lose the game ). My mates were rolling on the floor pissing themselves laughing. " Nice one Alan " he said. I think for a moment there he still thought I was Alan Ezard!!!
Circa 1997-98 - I met Eddie McGuire, Bridget Duclo and Dermie on their MMM radio show as I was a contestant on their " Beat the Blonde " segment. On air I mentioned I was a Carlton supporter and Eddie replied " Oh one of those" but I told Eddie I was not like most Carlton supporters as I didn't hate Collingwood at all. He looked suprised and put on that Eddie face and asked why.... " We'll Eddie, how could I hate a team that has given me so much pleasure you know 1970, 1979, 1981"
Eddie's face turned to stone. Dermie laughed his head off and said " I like this bloke "
1999. At a few games I went to a group of Carlton supporters would yell out " Brett Backwell " each time they saw me as they thought I looked like him. One night I was at a social club function and these same guys were there. One of them went over to a group of girls and told them I was Brett. Within a minute I had about 10 pretty things swarm around me. " I'm not Brett Backwell" I said " Talk to me for who I am if you want but I wont lie and say I'm Brett". In a flash they were all gone.
I aslo have access to information and was going to give a certain someone a call after Black Friday but decided against it.
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