TalkingCarlton :: View topic - Boring Carlton stories

My ex girlfriend in Tassie told me her new bloke said he had played for Carlton.
When I told her he didn't, she told me she had seen a photo of him in a Carlton jumper.
So I went to the archives and proved he hadn't.
She accused me of being pedantic.
I accused her of being a two-timing bitch.
She said he was better in the sack than me.

How do you come back at that?

Blue Sombrero wrote:

Blood is thicker that water. You and your sister need to get over it.

Blue Sombrero wrote:

You could say, “Are you saying that ‘Oh!, Oh!, Oh!’, was a complaint?”

Once a long time ago when I was young I yelled at Michael Tuck as he chased a ball along the boundary at the MCG, I yelled that he was an old man and should retire. My mate told me to shut up as the Ablett clan was sitting a few rows behind us.

sinbagger wrote:

I have a similar story.
I was at the MCG yelling at Robert Walls, who was having a bad game.
A woman behind me tapped me on the shoulder and said that he was her husband.
I think we lost.

kezza wrote:

sinbagger wrote:

I have a similar story.
I was at the MCG yelling at Robert Walls, who was having a bad game.
A woman behind me tapped me on the shoulder and said that he was her husband.
I think we lost.

I had a similar occurrence yelling at Jason Cloke, his dad was behind us. I shut up very quickly

Sent from my SM-G965F using Tapatalk

Blue Sombrero wrote:

Get in the sack yourself with the new bloke whilst you wear a Carlton jumper and check for his reaction. You may end up in the E.D. but hey at least you will be better informed

Author:	sinbagger [ Sun Jan 19, 2020 2:04 pm ]
Post subject:	Boring Carlton stories
Once a long time ago when I was young I yelled at Michael Tuck as he chased a ball along the boundary at the MCG, I yelled that he was an old man and should retire. My mate told me to shut up as the Ablett clan was sitting a few rows behind us.

Author:	Teddy Hopkins [ Sun Jan 19, 2020 2:49 pm ]
Post subject:	Re: Boring Carlton stories
Blue Sombrero wrote: My ex girlfriend in Tassie told me her new bloke said he had played for Carlton. When I told her he didn't, she told me she had seen a photo of him in a Carlton jumper. So I went to the archives and proved he hadn't. She accused me of being pedantic. I accused her of being a two-timing bitch. She said he was better in the sack than me. How do you come back at that? Many ways, just cannot be told on a family friendly bog site. In general, how would she know as a dead fish, plus your new partner is prettier, better body, better IQ, better all round person. Can come up with more but you get the gist. Just ask Teddy. Always up for the debate to hep BS.

Author:	bluehammer [ Sun Jan 19, 2020 3:05 pm ]
Post subject:	Re: Boring Carlton stories
Blue Sombrero wrote: My ex girlfriend in Tassie told me her new bloke said he had played for Carlton. When I told her he didn't, she told me she had seen a photo of him in a Carlton jumper. So I went to the archives and proved he hadn't. She accused me of being pedantic. I accused her of being a two-timing bitch. She said he was better in the sack than me. How do you come back at that? Blood is thicker that water. You and your sister need to get over it.

Author:	billc3 [ Sun Jan 19, 2020 4:10 pm ]
Post subject:	Re: Boring Carlton stories
bluehammer wrote: Blue Sombrero wrote: My ex girlfriend in Tassie told me her new bloke said he had played for Carlton. When I told her he didn't, she told me she had seen a photo of him in a Carlton jumper. So I went to the archives and proved he hadn't. She accused me of being pedantic. I accused her of being a two-timing bitch. She said he was better in the sack than me. How do you come back at that? Blood is thicker that water. You and your sister need to get over it. Oldie.... But.... Simple response... 'I never bothered trying' Go Blues

Author:	sinbagger [ Sun Jan 19, 2020 6:40 pm ]
Post subject:	Boring Carlton stories
Blue Sombrero wrote: My ex girlfriend in Tassie told me her new bloke said he had played for Carlton. When I told her he didn't, she told me she had seen a photo of him in a Carlton jumper. So I went to the archives and proved he hadn't. She accused me of being pedantic. I accused her of being a two-timing bitch. She said he was better in the sack than me. How do you come back at that? You could say, “Are you saying that ‘Oh!, Oh!, Oh!’, was a complaint?”

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Author:	Heavs [ Sun Jan 19, 2020 8:15 pm ]
Post subject:	Re: Boring Carlton stories
In 1999 I was living in a caravan in my folks backyard saving up for a big overseas trip. My misso (yes, honeychurch) at the time turned up at halftime in the prelim. 15 minutes into the third quarter I was losing my shit at her being bad luck and politely (*not politely) asking her to please leave. The next year I went to Africa (solo trip) and she broke up with me three weeks into the trip. I still say I was in the right. Next time I saw her was at a mutual friends wedding where a younger Scott Morrison was also a guest.

Author:	verbs [ Sun Jan 19, 2020 8:56 pm ]
Post subject:	Re: Boring Carlton stories
Where in Africa?

Author:	Heavs [ Sun Jan 19, 2020 9:05 pm ]
Post subject:	Re: Boring Carlton stories
Sth, Zim, Namibia, Botswana, Swaziland, lesotho

Author:	verbs [ Sun Jan 19, 2020 9:07 pm ]
Post subject:	Re: Boring Carlton stories
That’s sweet. Would make breaking up even better.

Author:	Blue Sombrero [ Mon Jan 20, 2020 12:42 am ]
Post subject:	Re: Boring Carlton stories
sinbagger wrote: Blue Sombrero wrote: My ex girlfriend in Tassie told me her new bloke said he had played for Carlton. When I told her he didn't, she told me she had seen a photo of him in a Carlton jumper. So I went to the archives and proved he hadn't. She accused me of being pedantic. I accused her of being a two-timing bitch. She said he was better in the sack than me. How do you come back at that? You could say, “Are you saying that ‘Oh!, Oh!, Oh!’, was a complaint?” That was me, not her.

Author:	kezza [ Tue Jan 21, 2020 7:01 pm ]
Post subject:	Re: Boring Carlton stories
sinbagger wrote: Once a long time ago when I was young I yelled at Michael Tuck as he chased a ball along the boundary at the MCG, I yelled that he was an old man and should retire. My mate told me to shut up as the Ablett clan was sitting a few rows behind us. I have a similar story. I was at the MCG yelling at Robert Walls, who was having a bad game. A woman behind me tapped me on the shoulder and said that he was her husband. I think we lost.

Author:	Heavs [ Tue Jan 21, 2020 9:02 pm ]
Post subject:	Re: Boring Carlton stories
I think I was about nine. I pulled a bit of that dot matrix printer paper off the thing at home, grabbed a ball point pen and wrote a super funny sign to hold up "Ronald McDonald is better than Donald McDonald". I've always been funny.

Author:	kingkerna [ Tue Jan 21, 2020 10:22 pm ]
Post subject:	Re: Boring Carlton stories
kezza wrote: sinbagger wrote: Once a long time ago when I was young I yelled at Michael Tuck as he chased a ball along the boundary at the MCG, I yelled that he was an old man and should retire. My mate told me to shut up as the Ablett clan was sitting a few rows behind us. I have a similar story. I was at the MCG yelling at Robert Walls, who was having a bad game. A woman behind me tapped me on the shoulder and said that he was her husband. I think we lost. I had a similar occurrence yelling at Jason Cloke, his dad was behind us. I shut up very quickly Sent from my SM-G965F using Tapatalk

Author:	AGRO [ Wed Jan 22, 2020 6:40 am ]
Post subject:	Re: Boring Carlton stories
kingkerna wrote: kezza wrote: sinbagger wrote: Once a long time ago when I was young I yelled at Michael Tuck as he chased a ball along the boundary at the MCG, I yelled that he was an old man and should retire. My mate told me to shut up as the Ablett clan was sitting a few rows behind us. I have a similar story. I was at the MCG yelling at Robert Walls, who was having a bad game. A woman behind me tapped me on the shoulder and said that he was her husband. I think we lost. I had a similar occurrence yelling at Jason Cloke, his dad was behind us. I shut up very quickly Sent from my SM-G965F using Tapatalk You’re lucky it wasn’t his mum

Author:	Teddy Hopkins [ Wed Jan 22, 2020 11:01 pm ]
Post subject:	Re: Boring Carlton stories
A fair while ago, when we were still playing at PP, Mrs Teddy was wearing my old kid's blues jumper with 42 on the back. Wool with no advertising! We were sitting in the Elliott Stand as members and she had to go to the toilet as ladies do. Walked behind the commentary boxes and there is Wallsy who was doing special comments having a break and eating a banana. She rushes back to tell me she saw my childhood hero. I rushed up and had a very nice conversation with him. Ended up along the lines of "how long do you think before we are up again?". The answer "at least five years" He got the "at least" right.

Author:	tommi [ Thu Jan 23, 2020 9:32 am ]
Post subject:	Re: Boring Carlton stories
E.D. ... soft cock...? kindest regards tommi

Author:	17 Too Far Away [ Mon Jan 27, 2020 11:04 pm ]
Post subject:	Re: Boring Carlton stories
Is it slightly disturbing that as soon as I read this the first thing that immediately popped into my head is that stupid nachos tv ad where the kid says "why can't we have both?"

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Author:	17 Too Far Away [ Thu Jan 23, 2020 1:45 am ]
Post subject:	Re: Boring Carlton stories
Blue Sombrero wrote: My ex girlfriend in Tassie told me her new bloke said he had played for Carlton. When I told her he didn't, she told me she had seen a photo of him in a Carlton jumper. So I went to the archives and proved he hadn't. She accused me of being pedantic. I accused her of being a two-timing bitch. She said he was better in the sack than me. How do you come back at that? Get in the sack yourself with the new bloke whilst you wear a Carlton jumper and check for his reaction. You may end up in the E.D. but hey at least you will be better informed

Author:	Blue Sombrero [ Thu Jan 23, 2020 12:30 pm ]
Post subject:	Re: Boring Carlton stories
17 Too Far Away wrote: Blue Sombrero wrote: My ex girlfriend in Tassie told me her new bloke said he had played for Carlton. When I told her he didn't, she told me she had seen a photo of him in a Carlton jumper. So I went to the archives and proved he hadn't. She accused me of being pedantic. I accused her of being a two-timing bitch. She said he was better in the sack than me. How do you come back at that? Get in the sack yourself with the new bloke whilst you wear a Carlton jumper and check for his reaction. You may end up in the E.D. but hey at least you will be better informed Nah. I married a hot Mexican chick instead.