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Doesn;t seem like the club is going to run with this one...so here 'tis. If posted I'll delete this and post the link...
Bummers!
First things first. Memo to AFL House – crisp white paper, strong font, bold lettering.
Memo 1:
Please note, we are the Bluebaggers, the old dark Navies, the blueboys…nowhere, I repeat nowhere, in any history I’ve read (say for example in The Blueseum, a fine on line resource), in anything I have heard from grandparents, parents, siblings or strained outer voices or in stories told around the sodden beer stained table tops of bars, nowhere have I heard mention of being the Whitebaggers, the old white Whiters, the Whiteboys. So why that jumper AFL – and against St Kilda!
No wonder we lost, you made us look like Fremantle at their worst – the boys saw themselves reflected in our combined horror as they ran out onto the fake grass of Telstra Dome and were doomed to play like the Dockers, the Lilly-whites, not the Bluebaggers. Oh they tried to ignore the jumper, they tried to find the old dark navy passion, but in the end bland colours won out. You are what you wear!
What next – pink shorts, or maybe beige? I prefer Hawthorn’s jumper (their horrible toiletry-coloured vertical bars one, not that thing they wore on the weekend) to that whitewash you made us wear. I remember when umpires wore white and the rest of us had colour. But now, now invading aliens would think (do aliens think? Do Collingwood supporters think? Is Mick Malthouse thinking he is on some sort of Super Clause, a Collingwood Santa Claus, the more interchanges he makes the more dollars?) The players were secondary to those British Paint splattered bugs ruining each and every contest.
So please, leave our jumper alone. And that’s brings us to memo number two.
Memo two:
Dear Geish,
this is a contact sport, please keep it that way, and allow backmen licence to play as backmen. We (those of us who go to games actually barracking for one of the two teams playing) want to see marks and goals, but fair dinkum, even in the horrors of that washed out game the other night, most of the comments made by supporters were about the umpiring and the propensity for whistle blowers to blow their whistles far more than necessary! Give is a rest! Give the backmen a break and pay a free if it affects the contest! Or have umpires become the AFL ticket inspectors – the more frees the better the remuneration?
Stop listening to Kevin, look at me, look at me, they’re pulling my jumper, throw the ball fifteen feet in front, throw a sook and don’t come back Bartlett. If ever there was a footballer who played this game like basketball in was Kevin I play so wide I have reserved seats Bartlett. Stop listening to him! Have a chat with Leigh jawbreaker Matthews or ‘Elbows’ Dietrich instead - they’ll have some great ideas for rules.
Leave this game alone! It works, don’t fix it, don’t change it - just don’t touch it!
Now that I’ve got that off my chest down to review/preview. First the review. We lost – again. Murph and Gibbsey played well. I liked Pieffer’s debut and for once the backline was not the problem.
Oh! That reminds me, memo three:
Fev are you sure it’s the grog you’ve given up and not the goals?
And so to the preview: Folks it’s Essendon*. Now, as I have undoubtedly stated on several occasions, I hate Essendon*! Oh, but how I laughed last week. How I sniggered with glee like a schoolboy escaping homework through a teacher’s oversight. Matty Knights, new coach ala Sheedy, Knightsey the Hypester! Knightsey who, in the darkness the Bombed out find themselves, shone a light and said, ‘follow me brethren, follow me to the new path. Look we are as good as anyone, we won’t tag Geelong. Tag! Bah humbug! We’ll run them off their feet.’
He was close. The Geelong players were so tired from kicking goals their feet were sore. As for that far wing, hey any Geelong player needing a kick, just run to the wing son, its yours! I would get a kick on that far wing against the Bombed-out Lookatmes.
Memo Ratts – rotate the players through that far wing. We’ll get sixteen Rising Star nominations in one week!
Oh please, please Mr. Knights, remain bwave, set Juddy and the boys fwee!
We all love the way you’ve got the Bombed-outs playing, we love to see them fly so low they smash into their own egos! Don’t change a thing Mr Knights. Keep up the good work - soon you’ll drag that club down to the mighty Tiggers’ bargain basement level!
So this week we are a chance, a real chance for Ratt’s first win! Oh I know I say we are a chance every week but some chances are more real than others, and this is a fair dinkum, navy blue chance (no memos from AFL please, the only clash I want to see is one between Mr Knights and his once adoring fans).
This week Fev’s body will awaken from its post-prohibition haze and he’ll bag seven.
The midfield, whose only contact with their opponents with be a brief nod at the start of the game, will rack up stats so big Teddy Hopkins will relive the 1970 glories
and our backline, fresh from defeating St Kilda’s tall timbers, will demolish the shrubbery that is the Bomber’s sad forest.
We’ll win this one folks, we’ll win it for Ratts, for The Kruise, who is poised to play his first game, for Stevo after all the shellacking he has copped and most of all for that jumper – the blue one, the NAVY Blue with white monogram one. The one I love. 34 points in front by the final siren no doubt and Matthew Knights to start reliving his Richmond days……Oh I do love to live beside the seaside, oh I do love to live beside the sea….
Go Blues!
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This type of slight is alien in the more cultured part of the world - Walsh. Its up there with mad dogs, Englishmen and the midday sun!
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