Ok so we all know the situation at the moment...so what's going to happen? I'm here to propose a completely radical coaching strategy, whereby the club doesn't have Pagan as coach any more, yet doesn't have to worry about his contract being a problem.

There is only one way this is possible, if the new coach works for free. I know one man who would do this......ME!! That's right, I'm putting my name into the ring right here, right now to be the next coach of the Carlton Football Club. I reckon I can take us places, I've got some inventive new ideas and a fresh outlook. I know our players strengths and weaknesses and how to best utilise them. I know how to exploit our opposition.

You'll laugh and who could blame you? But, right now, I'm taking applications from TC for possible assistants!

I've seen the Bad News Bears and the Mighty Ducks and learned that if you ruffle your player's hair and give them a heartfelt speech, they'll win the championship.

I've seen The Mean Machine and learned that if you set your training drills to a cool music track, you'll quickly transform your team from complete duds to matchwinners.

I've seen Bull Durham and learnt the wisdom of letting a hot older chick sleep with half your team.

I've seen GOAL and realised that one poor kid from the wrong side of the tracks can reinvigorate your entire team's psyche.

I've seen Slapshot and seen the positive effect genuinely brutal players can have on the team.

In short, I feel I'm ready to take on the senior Carlton coaching position.

Anyone who's seen at least 10 Shit-Team-Turned-Good sports movies is welcome to join my coaching panel.

I've seen the Bad News Bears and the Mighty Ducks and learned that if you ruffle your player's hair and give them a heartfelt speech, they'll win the championship.

I've seen The Mean Machine and learned that if you set your training drills to a cool music track, you'll quickly transform your team from complete duds to matchwinners.

I've seen Bull Durham and learnt the wisdom of letting a hot older chick sleep with half your team.

I've seen GOAL and realised that one poor kid from the wrong side of the tracks can reinvigorate your entire team's psyche.

I've seen Slapshot and seen the positive effect genuinely brutal players can have on the team.

In short, I feel I'm ready to take on the senior Carlton coaching position.

Anyone who's seen at least 10 Shit-Team-Turned-Good sports movies is welcome to join my coaching panel.

Ok so we all know the situation at the moment...so what's going to happen? I'm here to propose a completely radical coaching strategy, whereby the club doesn't have Pagan as coach any more, yet doesn't have to worry about his contract being a problem.

There is only one way this is possible, if the new coach works for free. I know one man who would do this......ME!! That's right, I'm putting my name into the ring right here, right now to be the next coach of the Carlton Football Club. I reckon I can take us places, I've got some inventive new ideas and a fresh outlook. I know our players strengths and weaknesses and how to best utilise them. I know how to exploit our opposition.

You'll laugh and who could blame you? But, right now, I'm taking applications from TC for possible assistants!

... a montage is also a prerequisite.

I've seen the Bad News Bears and the Mighty Ducks and learned that if you ruffle your player's hair and give them a heartfelt speech, they'll win the championship.

I've seen The Mean Machine and learned that if you set your training drills to a cool music track, you'll quickly transform your team from complete duds to matchwinners.

I've seen Bull Durham and learnt the wisdom of letting a hot older chick sleep with half your team.

I've seen GOAL and realised that one poor kid from the wrong side of the tracks can reinvigorate your entire team's psyche.

I've seen Slapshot and seen the positive effect genuinely brutal players can have on the team.

In short, I feel I'm ready to take on the senior Carlton coaching position.

Anyone who's seen at least 10 Shit-Team-Turned-Good sports movies is welcome to join my coaching panel.

I've seen the Bad News Bears and the Mighty Ducks and learned that if you ruffle your player's hair and give them a heartfelt speech, they'll win the championship.

I've seen The Mean Machine and learned that if you set your training drills to a cool music track, you'll quickly transform your team from complete duds to matchwinners.

I've seen Bull Durham and learnt the wisdom of letting a hot older chick sleep with half your team.

I've seen GOAL and realised that one poor kid from the wrong side of the tracks can reinvigorate your entire team's psyche.

I've seen Slapshot and seen the positive effect genuinely brutal players can have on the team.

In short, I feel I'm ready to take on the senior Carlton coaching position.

Anyone who's seen at least 10 Shit-Team-Turned-Good sports movies is welcome to join my coaching panel.

Any Given Sunday - Al Pacino

i dont know what to say,really...
3 minutes...to the biggest battle of our professional lives...all comes down to today...
Either, we heal, as a team, or we're gonna crumble...inch by inch, play by play...to we're finished, we're in hell right now, gentlemen...believe me...
and...we can stay here, get the shit kicked out of us...or... we can fight our way back...into the light...

we can climb outta hell...one inch at a time...now, i cant do it for you...im too old...i look around, i see this young faces,and i think...i mean,i've made every wrong choice a middle-aged man can make...I...eh...I pissed away all my money, believe it or not...i chased off anyone's who's ever loved me...and lately,I cant even stand the face I see in the mirror...you know, when you get old in life,things get taken from you...well thats....thats part of life...

but, you only learn that,when you start losing stuff...you find out, life's a game of inches...so is football...because, in either game,life or fottball,the margin for error is so small, i mean, one half a step too late, or too early, and you dont quite make it, one half second too slow, too fast, you dont quite catch it, the inches we need are everywhere around us...

they're in every break of the game, every minute, every second....on this team, we fight for that inch... on this team, we tear ourselves and everyone else around us, to pieces for that inch...we claw with our fingernails for that inch...because we know,when we head up all those inches,thats gonna make the @#$%&! difference, between winning and losing!

Between living and dying!! I'll tell you this: in any fight, its the guy who's willing to die,who's gonna win that inch...and I know, if im gonna have any life anymore...Its because I'm still willing to fight and die for that inch...because, thats what living is! The six inches in front of your face...!! now, i cant make you do it, you gotta look at the guy next to you, look into his eyes!now, i think you're gonna see a guy, who will go that inch with you...

You're gonna see a guy, who will sacrifice himself, for this team, because he knows, when it comes down to it, you're gonna do the same for him... Thats a team, gentlemen...and, either we heal,NOW, as a team, or we will die...as individuals...thats football, guys...thats all it is...now, what are you gonna do?

(cheering!!)

I've seen the Bad News Bears and the Mighty Ducks and learned that if you ruffle your player's hair and give them a heartfelt speech, they'll win the championship.

I've seen The Mean Machine and learned that if you set your training drills to a cool music track, you'll quickly transform your team from complete duds to matchwinners.

I've seen Bull Durham and learnt the wisdom of letting a hot older chick sleep with half your team.

I've seen GOAL and realised that one poor kid from the wrong side of the tracks can reinvigorate your entire team's psyche.

I've seen Slapshot and seen the positive effect genuinely brutal players can have on the team.

In short, I feel I'm ready to take on the senior Carlton coaching position.

Anyone who's seen at least 10 Shit-Team-Turned-Good sports movies is welcome to join my coaching panel.

Why don't we raffle the coaching position on a weekly basis.

$100 a ticket.

Sell 1000 tickets per round and raise $2.2 million for the year plus no wages for the coach.

It wouldn't just be Blues supporters who'd be into it. If the shoe was on the other foot and you had the chance to coach Collingwood how much would you like to get Alan Didak on the phone and give him an earful. Or flog Brodie Holland on the track. Actually he'd probably be flogging himself already.

And for $100 you'd have a 1 in a 1000 chance of being able to say you were once an AFL coach.

Make a doco about the coach each week and flog it on TV as a reality show - that should net a few more bucks.

Do it for three years whilst accumulating as much draft talent as possible. At the end of that time the debt's pretty much paid off.

This footy administration stuff's pretty easy really.