In a scoop, it is revealed Sheedy missed today's game against Essendon* due to surgery on his testicles.

Kevin Sheedy, who has long been questioned for his cowardice - most notably the tanked game against Richmond in the final round a home and away season, so that Essendon* could avoid Carlton in the first week of the finals - attempted to hide the news that he had to have attention to the area of male genitalia.

In a general checkup, doctors were disturbed (but not suprised) to see that Kevin's balls were actually... not there at all.

As such, they immediately booked him in to attach some, so that even if he remains a character without the balls to be in charge when his team are assured of their first wooden spoon of his career, he can at least look the part.

When asked whether it will actually make a difference to Kevin gaining some courage he never had, the answer was clear:

"Quite frankly, the chances of Kevin ever not being a spineless gutless crank are slim to none. This is purely a cosmetic operation".

Meanwhile, Kevin's assistant Gary implemented Sheedy's "Operation Human Shield" by becoming technically responsible for Essendon*'s now seemingly assured spoon. It is suggested the Essendon* board will now make Gary ultimately accountable for bringing the club to its worst position in history, by promptly sacking him.

TD reporting for Sensationalist News.

Stupid, immature post....Sheedy - whether you like him or not - is a legend of the game...is no coward and is respected by many, many Carlton Football Club supporters, members, players etc. Take your 'humour' to BigFooty where is belongs.

You're right. It was meant to be stupid and immature as it was just a bit of non serious tongue in cheek. Lighten up hey... it's only a game...