Dear Carlton members,

The club has taken the decision to part with defender Josh Bootsma, following inappropriate use of something called ‘social media’.

This decision has not been taken lightly and has followed a thorough process.

The first step, was Andrew McKay knocking on my door and telling me that Josh Bootsma had breached club policy regarding social media.

I told Andrew I didn’t understand any words in that sentence.

‘Who’s Josh Bootsma?’ I asked and he reminded me he was a ‘defender’ for the Northern Blues.

‘That curly haired guy?’ I asked.

Andrew said social media was popular with the young people, which alarmed me.

I told him we had no place for communists at Carlton or in Australia for that matter.

He was quick to point out it is ‘social’ not ‘socialist’ and is mainly people posting pictures of what they just ate or updating people on banal things like how hot or cold the weather is.

We quickly called in some consultants to brief me on Twitter, Snapchat and Faceplace. After twelve hours of listening to these eleven-year-olds, I think I really got a handle on it.

Anyway, apparently Bootsma’s been putting inappropriate material on the social medias.

This is something that is apparently against the Carlton’s and the AFL’s ‘proper use of social media’ policy.

It baffles me that doing these things need to be spelt out at all.

What ever happened to romance? If I was a young guy, the only people I’d be tweeting are a girl’s parents, to ask permission to take their daughter to a dance.

While we won’t exactly miss Bootsma on the field, it’s another reminder that society is going to hell in a hand basket. Or as I know like to say LOL (I think that fits in there).

Mick Malthouse

McKay says issues been going on for over a year. Yet last Septmeber we signed him up for two years.

Someone please explain the thinking behind this??

I will have a crack. Mick likes a bit of depth in the reserves and thought having a bloke who has played a few games at AFL level that we could call upon if required would be better than a kid at pick 100 who wouldn't stand a chance.

Or Mick thought he could turn him around. Reckon he has a bit of an ego when it comes to this.

Or mick just got it plain wrong.

Has anyone seen the PM?

Typical.
The only bloke on our list willing to go out and show a bit of mongrel and we give him the arse.