It's a load of crap.

Dane where’s your sense of humor, I think its great just keep bringing stuff like this I like it, its grouse.

Just got sent the following email from a work college....I don't endorse or agree with all the assessments but it has elements of truth to it unfortunately!

PLAYER STATUS REPORT AS OF 30/03/08

ANDREW WALKER – Still in therapy from playing 22 positions in 22 weeks under Denis Pagan.

JORDAN RUSSELL – Half of our fans think it’s disrespectful to the great John Nicholls to allow Jordan Russell to meander around in the number 2 jumper. The other half think it’s disrespectful to Dominic Fotia.

MARC MURPHY – Highly talented youngster who is widely regarded as the worst decision maker in the game after turning down the chance to go to Brisbane under the father/son rule.

BRYCE GIBBS – Has been nicknamed Schapelle because he’s counting the days until he’s allowed to go home.

CHRIS JUDD – Judd is severely hampered by a long term groin injury. He has lost explosive pace, can’t kick over 40 metres, is unable to turn freely and can only play 60% of game time. Clearly the best player on the list.

KADE SIMPSON – Kade’s like the average looking bird at a party that you chat up so you know you’ve got a guaranteed root in case you can’t land something decent. Made captain till something better came along and then dropped like a Cain Ackland chest mark.

MATTHEW KREUZER – Was named as the player to lead the club out of the wilderness by our President Tricky Dicky, who the called him Matt Kruger in the same sentence. Don’t know about the kid, but for god sake keep Pratt away from the players.
JASON SADDINGTON – Sydney capped off their unforgettable Premiership win in 2005 by off-loading Jason Saddington on the Blues.

RICHARD HADLEY – Plays footy not unlike Richard Hadlee from NZ would play the game. Should only be picked if the Blues win the toss and bowl first.

CAIN ACKLAND – The story goes that when Greg Swann was woken by a call in the middle of the night and told that one of his players had been videotaped urinating on a nightclub window, he knelt by the side of his bed and prayed it was Cain Ackland.

LUKE BLACKWELL – Selected by Carlton under the father/ordinary son rule. He’s a smaller, weaker, less talented version of his father Wayne.

BRAD FISHER – Unshaven half forward flanker who could comfortably pass for one of the homeless. Broke his thumb in the pre-season after getting punched in the nose outside a soup kitchen.

SHAUN GRIGG – Loves to run with the footy. I suggest we buy him a Sherrin, drop him off on the Western Highway and hope he runs back home to Ballarat.

SETANTA O’hAILPIN – In four years the Irishman has failed to grasp even the most basic concepts of AFL football. During Round One this year he was asked to pay more attention to loose men, so after the game he went cruising for action down Commercial Road in Prahran.

AISAKE O’hAILPIN – Has learnt everything he knows about footy from his older brother. In other words he thinks the MCG can fly because it has two wings.

PAUL BOWER – Looks like ‘Curly’ Austin from the 1970’s, plays like ‘Curly’ Howard from The Three Stooges.
EDDIE BETTS – If that’s the case he should have $100 on Carlton to win the spoon.

ADAM HARTLETT – The Blues new enforcer took out Cam Howat behind the play in Round One. He’s currently suspended, but will be back to take out Ricky Petterd against the Dees in Round Four.

NICK STEVENS – Typical drover’s dog who missed all of 2007 with a neck injury after spending all of 2006 looking over his shoulder for oncoming contact.

BRENDON FEVOLA – The Fevola File is now into it’s 7th bound edition. Fev had a tumultuous pre-season but told the match committee he has learnt from his mistakes. He has promised to fire up against Collingwood by taking out Dick, then follow it up against the Eagles by pissing on Glass.

CAMERON CLOKE – Getting a ruckman that Collingwood rejects is like going to Calcutta to replace your chauffeur.

HEATH SCOTLAND – Heath is a favourite in footy Dreamteams. Unfortunately for Carlton they don’t play their matches on some pimply nerd’s laptop.

JARRAD WAITE – Waite could do with a little more weight and he doesn’t have to look far. It’s hanging over the top of Nick Stevens’ shorts.

JORDAN BANNISTER – In 1954 Roger Bannister broke the four-minute mile. In 2008 Jordan Bannister is hoping to break the four-possession game.

BRET THORNTON – Tireless defender whose weekly misery is compounded by knowing that for 2 glorious days in October 2006, he was a Hawk.

RYAN HOULIHAN – The last of the four Houlihan sisters to play League football. Post-retirement he’s destined to live in the same trailer park as the Whitnall brothers

SIMON WIGGINS – For the third year running the Blues forgot to delist Wiggins because he’s so forgettable. Has played 89 games for the club and at the current rate will play his 100th in 2012.

DARREN PFEIFFER – Youngster who will have to come to terms with the fact that Fev will never be able to spell his surname because it starts with a silent Pee.

ANDREW CARAZZO – Ball magnet with a kicking impediment. He only told the club this year that Carazzo is Italian for turnover.

that now makes 3 post on this dumb email doing the rounds blueblood.

you need to read more threads before posting.

_________________
“It is a state of mind, a system of belief, a way of seeing the world, a deep faith that, because you are Carlton, you belong to something great.” - Mike Fitzpatrick articulating what Out of the Blue means.

It's like déjà vu all over again

_________________
#DonTheStash

I like your new signature CK.

Apologies...didn't realise it had already been posted.

No need to get nasty.

Perhaps if we make it a sticky...

_________________
"The ability to speak doesn't make you intelligent." Qui-Gon Jinn 15-05-2005

"there’s more chance of me becoming the full forward for the [Western Bulldogs] than there is of any change in the Labor Party." Julia Gillard 18-05-2010

it wasn't meant to be nasty bb - just having a gutful of carlton bashing at the moment.

_________________
“It is a state of mind, a system of belief, a way of seeing the world, a deep faith that, because you are Carlton, you belong to something great.” - Mike Fitzpatrick articulating what Out of the Blue means.

Me too.
We better do something about it, starting this week then.
For starters I would paste "all" these emails/jokes on the players change room lockers this week.

if you don't laugh you cry,



I choose to laugh, I like the Fisher one

_________________
Between our dreams and actions lies this world

Hilarious (not). It seems some Carlton supporters have some of the same bad habits they alledge the team has-lack of heart and belief.

It's sarcastic and a poor attempt at humour.

The Grigg line pisses me off.

This is the sort of thing Monday Experts or BOs write on forums to pretend they know what they're talking about.

Josh is the youngest Houlihan.

The only funny one was the line about Carrazzo being Italian for turnover.

Reminds me of Deluca is Italian for two grabs.

Wouldn't it be nice to shut them all up by, oh i dunno, HAVING A WIN!!

_________________
end of message

That is gold Blueblood - POW

_________________
Delulio is a member of TISM

Just got this email from a scumbag supporter who calls himself my mate.

I hate this sort of stuff. Just posting it to let you know what is circulating

ANDREW WALKER - Still in therapy from playing 22 positions in 22 weeks
under Denis Pagan.

JORDAN RUSSELL - Half of our fans think it's disrespectful to the great
John Nicholls to allow Jordan Russell to meander around in the number 2
jumper. The other half think it's disrespectful to Dominic Fotia.

MARC MURPHY - Highly talented youngster who is widely regarded as the worst
decision maker in the game after turning down the chance to go to Brisbane
under the father/son rule.

BRYCE GIBBS - Has been nicknamed Schapelle because he's counting the days
until he's allowed to go home.

CHRIS JUDD - Judd is severely hampered by a long term groin injury. He has
lost explosive pace, can't kick over 40 metres, is unable to turn freely
and can only play 60% of game time. Clearly the best player on the list.

KADE SIMPSON - is like the average looking bird at a party that you chat up
so you know you've got a guaranteed root in case you can't land something
decent. Made captain till something better came along and then dropped like
a Cain Ackland chest mark.

MATTHEW KREUZER - Was named as the player to lead the club out of the
wilderness by our President Tricky Dicky, who the called him Matt Kruger in
the same sentence. Don't know about the kid, but for god sake keep Pratt
away from the players.


JASON SADDINGTON - Sydney capped off their unforgettable Premiership win in
2005 by off-loading Jason Saddington on the Blues.

RICHARD HADLEY - Plays footy not unlike Richard Hadlee from NZ would play
the game. Should only be picked if the Blues win the toss and bowl first.

CAIN ACKLAND - The story goes that when Greg Swann was woken by a call in
the middle of the night and told that one of his players had been
videotaped urinating on a nightclub window, he knelt by the side of his bed
and prayed it was Cain Ackland.

LUKE BLACKWELL - Selected by Carlton under the father/ordinary son rule.
He's a smaller, weaker, less talented version of his father Wayne.

BRAD FISHER - Unshaven half forward flanker who could comfortably pass for
one of the homeless. Broke his thumb in the pre-season after getting
punched in the nose outside a soup kitchen.

SHAUN GRIGG - Loves to run with the footy. I suggest we buy him a Sherrin,
drop him off on the Western Highway and hope he runs back home to Ballarat.


SETANTA O'hAILPIN - In four years the Irishman has failed to grasp even the
most basic concepts of AFL football. During Round One this year he was
asked to pay more attention to loose men, so after the game he went
cruising for action down Commercial Road in Prahran.

AISAKE O'hAILPIN - Has learnt everything he knows about footy from his
older brother. In other words he thinks the MCG can fly because it has two
wings.

PAUL BOWER - Looks like Curly Austin from the 1970s, plays like a Curly
Howard from The Three Stooges.


EDDIE BETTS - If that's the case he should have $100 on Carlton to win the
spoon.

ADAM HARTLETT - The Blues new enforcer took out Cam Howat behind the play
in Round One. He's currently suspended, but will be back to take out Ricky
Petterd against the Dees in Round Four.

NICK STEVENS - Typical drover's dog who missed all of 2007 with a neck
injury after spending all of 2006 looking over his shoulder for oncoming
contact.

BRENDAN FEVOLA - The Fevola File is now into its 7th bound edition. Fev had
a tumultuous pre-season, but told the match committee he has learnt from
his mistakes. He has promised to fire up against Collingwood by taking out
Dick, then follow it up against the Eagles by peeing on Glass.

CAMERON CLOKE - Getting a ruckman that Collingwood rejects is like going to
Calcutta to replace your chauffeur.

HEATH SCOTLAND - Heath is a favourite in footy Dream Teams. Unfortunately
for Carlton they don't play their matches on some pimply nerd's laptop.

JARRAD WAITE - Waite could do with a little more weight and he doesn't have
to look far. It's hanging over the top of Nick Stevens's shorts.

JORDAN BANNISTER - In 1954 Roger Bannister broke the four-minute mile. In
2008 Jordan Bannister is hoping to break the four-possession game.

BRET THORNTON - Tireless defender whose weekly misery is compounded by
knowing that for two glorious days in October 2006, he was a Hawk.

RYAN HOULIHAN - The last of the four Houlihan sisters to play League
football. Post-retirement he's destined to live in the same trailer park as
the Whitnall brothers

SIMON WIGGINS - For the third year running the Blues forgot to de-list
Wiggins because he's so forgettable. Has played 89 games for the club and
at the current rate will play his 100th in 2012.

DARREN PFEIFFER - Youngster who will have to come to terms with the fact
that Fev will never be able to spell his surname because it starts with a
silent pee.

ANDREW CARAZZO - Ball magnet with a kicking impediment. He only told the
club this year that Carazzo is Italian for turnover.

Can anyine think of clever reply to this twit?

_________________
Go BLues

Just received this email form a scum fan.........................


Nah only joking..


Faves are Nick stevens and Eddie, brilliant.

_________________
'Cause I'm J.U.D.D
I'm dynamite
J.U.D.D
And I'll win that fight
J.U.D.D
I'm a power load
J.U.D.D, Watch me explode

Now that i have read this same post 4 times now, i have to wonder that this email thats been in circulation has actually been written by one of our own!!!!

_________________
BRING BACK PERFORMANCE BASE PAYMENTS !!!

Marmalade used the Judd line from this email last night...

...he's not funny, or original.



And he was a downright prick at his book signing in Highpoint (I didn't buy the book, I was just boneheading around - as usual)

Wow............

how's that e-mail doing the rounds...............?

anyone seen it...........?


kindest regards tommi


















i'll try and dig up a copy for yas.................!

_________________
that'siti'mnotchangingthistagain......!