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The Art of Deception
Before the game
Sheedy: Boys I want you to go out there tonight and give those Blue baggers a hiding.
Fletcher: What do you mean hiding, they seem too tall and too big to hide. Only joking Sheeds, I wont be hiding behind Fev this year...I've got Mal Michael in there to help out when I stuff up.
Sheedy: Just get out there and show em we mean business in 2007...the 17th Flag boys. Remember what we want this year; it's ours. You are believers like the media boys and the rest of them are. I have spoken; the premiership is mine, mine, mine.
Quarter Time Break
Sheedy: That was pathetic boys. They're getting away from you. Get your mitts around them and hold them up when tackling them.
Campo: The Blue boys look much faster and stronger this year....(under his breath) I think my hamstring is going to keep me out of the next game against the Baby Blues.
Sheedy: Look at them. They look a rabble. They don't even look like footballers. Have a look at how untidy they are. They don't even tuck their jumpers in. Take advantage of them and their jumper hanging out. It's easy...they'll never know where you came from. This game is ours...I've pulled out another big move from the old proverbial...autograpghs later boys.
Lloydy: But boss, boss..they're not jumpers.
Sheedy: Shut up and listen; that's why you're captain. I do all the talking on the club's behalf. What are you trying to do? Make me redundant? Don't say a word...you know you'll make a fool of yourself. I gave you the captaincy, now shut up and do as you're told. Remember, you're a sniper, and you haven't taken Thornton's block off this game.
Hirdy: Sheeds, they're not jumpers hanging outa their shorts, they're..
Sheedy: Quiet pretty boy. You just worry about the mirror. I'm the ideas man here, and I'm the one with the glasses on, and I made you. Now this next quarter, I want everyone to grab that jumper of theirs that is hanging outta their shorts. Right! I am not asking you, I'm telling you....and drag them to the ground, rub their faces into the cow dung of Telstra stadium...make them smell that fertilizer, make them taste that shit! Now get out there and do it!
Half Time
Sheedy: Mal Michael. What are you doing with your hands all over Fev? You are costing us a game. If I knew you were past it and going to do this to us, I would have recruited Mick Martyn instead. I picked you to stay ahead of Pagan in the coaching ratings. Why didn't you grab the jumper...you know... The Sheedy tactics.
Houli: (to himself) What have I done putting my name in the draft and ending up with this geriatric? I knew he was a piss head the moment I saw his nose.
Three Quarter Time
Sheedy: Now I told you blokes to grab those jumpers hanging out the back of their shorts..the colour is Navy Blue; it's always Navy Blue! 1968 it was Navy Blue, 1972 it was Navy Blue, '99 Prelim it was Navy Blue, 2002 it was Navy Blue; Last year it was Navy Blue! I hate Navy Blue!
Now why aren't you carrying out instructions....get out there and do as I ask....grab those jumpers or they are going to win again....again...again!
Lucas: Sheeds I tried to grab the jumper hanging out of their shorts but it wasn't a jumper. They were shorts.
Sheedy: What are you doing punk? Trying to make a fool of me? I may be over the hill, but whilst the media still believe that I am The Guru you too will show the same respect! I know shorts and arses better than you guys. I've been in the game for 40 years. They are not shorts, they are jumpers.
Hille: Mal Maninga
Sheedy: What's that? Mal Maninga. Talk some sense you over grown goose! And I picked you as captain last year. What are you saying goose?
Hille: Mal Maninga
Sheedy: What does that mean?
Hille: Smell my finger.
Sheedy: (sniffs) Mmmmm Smells good. Shit isn't it? 2007 vintage? Young bloke? Which one? How did that come about son?
Hille: As I tried to grab that jumper you say is hanging outta their shorts, I dug deep to find that elusive jumper and ended up doing the you know....the old Hopoate on Ackland. Sheeds there's no jumper! They're the new coloured shorts the Blues are wearing.
Sheeds: You what on Ackland? Lucky bastard. Well at least you must have put him off...you know it's a good thing the umps don't pay free kicks against us. But what has that got to do with the jumper hanging outta their shorts?
Hille: They are the shorts flower! Why don't you realise you're past it. We're in the new millenium. Your old dog tricks don't work anymore. We don't understand you, the media don't understand you, ther umpires don't uunderstand you...that's why we all agree with you. The umps will soon realise that you've pulled the wool over their eyes for years. You're too old...you can't see....all you're interested in is Mal Maninga.
Sheedy: Give me another sniff of that finger. OK boys line up, I want to Mal Maninga you all. We're going to lose this game anyway; it's another Navy Blue Day... so I may as well make it enjoyable.
IMO the new Shorts worked and are a great idea....sucked in sheeds!!
We're leaders...the wheels are turning...we're using our heads again.
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Everyone looks good in Navy Blue
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