Dear Carlton members,

The club has taken the decision to part with defender Josh Bootsma, following inappropriate use of something called ‘social media’.

This decision has not been taken lightly and has followed a thorough process.

The first step, was Andrew McKay knocking on my door and telling me that Josh Bootsma had breached club policy regarding social media.

I told Andrew I didn’t understand any words in that sentence.

‘Who’s Josh Bootsma?’ I asked and he reminded me he was a ‘defender’ for the Northern Blues.

‘That curly haired guy?’ I asked.

Andrew said social media was popular with the young people, which alarmed me.

I told him we had no place for communists at Carlton or in Australia for that matter.

He was quick to point out it is ‘social’ not ‘socialist’ and is mainly people posting pictures of what they just ate or updating people on banal things like how hot or cold the weather is.

We quickly called in some consultants to brief me on Twitter, Snapchat and Faceplace. After twelve hours of listening to these eleven-year-olds, I think I really got a handle on it.

Anyway, apparently Bootsma’s been putting inappropriate material on the social medias.

This is something that is apparently against the Carlton’s and the AFL’s ‘proper use of social media’ policy.

It baffles me that doing these things need to be spelt out at all.

What ever happened to romance? If I was a young guy, the only people I’d be tweeting are a girl’s parents, to ask permission to take their daughter to a dance.

While we won’t exactly miss Bootsma on the field, it’s another reminder that society is going to hell in a hand basket. Or as I know like to say LOL (I think that fits in there).

Mick Malthouse

I'd like to see Bootsma get some more games, until Docherty is ready. May well not make it at AFL level, but he's one of our few genuinely talented kids we've got on our list.